How To Live Inspired + Crush Comparison
Today, we're gonna dig into something that I've been wrestling with...for like, ever. And I finally recently came to terms with the fact that this thing is a HUGE problem + it really robs us of living our best life.
And if you're anything like me, you probably wrestle with this thing on the daily.
And that thing is comparison.
Recently, I came across this quote:
“I never really learned how to just like something. I always let it consume me.” — anonymous
And I thought with this whole ongoing wrestle with comparison, that’s exactly where I often find myself. And so I had to ask:
Is it possible to be inspired without getting caught in the comparison trap? Like just because x person is talented, creative, innovative and doing more of the things they love, that doesn’t mean I have to end up feeling crappy about yourself...right?
Me and one my best friends have been having some really hard and raw conversations about comparison. God wrecked us by showing us how much we compare and compete with each other, without even realizing it.
And though it’s been so tough to own up to the times our hearts get jealous or smug toward each other over the good things happening in our lives, I’m seeing how comparison’s grip on us is getting weaker and weaker the more we talk about it and confront the real reasons behind why we feel like we need to be someone else.
On my instagram, I asked if anyone ever felt like they look at someone else who’s they’re age and think to themselves, “What the hell am i doing with my life?” And if you’re around the same age as me, you can find yourself riding around with your woes looking at Drake’s success, or Taylor Swift, or Beyonce. And one friend of mine DM’d and bravely confessed she compares herself to me! And as the week went on, I realized I was comparing myself to one particular girl on Instagram who I was initially inspired by because she’s doing all of the things I love + that I know I’m made for.
All this got me diggin’ and thinkin’:
Am I capable of being inspired and admiring someone without wanting to be them?
And what's the definition of inspiration anyway?
And so, I just decided to look it up.
The Collins Dictionary puts it like this: "inspiration is a feeling of enthusiasm you get from someone or something that gives you new and creative ideas...it makes you or other people want to do or achieve something."
Inspiration also means a drawing in of breath by inhalation.
Then it hit me:
True inspiration ought to feel like a breath of fresh air. It ought to compel us to go and be our most authentic selves, to dive into our passions, walk in our purpose, own our journeys and be happy + content with the life God’s gifted us.
True inspiration is like fertilizer for the hidden seeds of purpose that are already planted in our hearts. Seeing a movie or documentary about your heritage may inspire you to research your own ancestry and connect with your roots. Reading a book may inspire you to love your people well. Taking a hike in the mountains and sitting by a quiet creek may inspire you to write a song or a poem. Seeing the ripple effect that injustice brings may inspire you to protest. Hearing a song may inspire you to finally break up with him or her. Having your eye open and your heart tender to the experiences of other humans around you may inspire you to write a book, craft a poem, paint on a canvas, choreograph a dance, simply feel, or even deeply connect with God.
When we allow our hearts to be open to the wonder of all of the beauty that surrounds us, we can be inspired to be our most authentic selves, and to put out into the world the very things that it needs. It’s like this crazy beautiful chain reaction of creativity, where each of us is connected to the other. Inspiration is a gift that helps us all to realize our full potential.
But I wish this was our daily reality.
I wish that everywhere we went and no matter who we met, we could celebrate the beauty of the spaces we enter and appreciate the unique people we encounter by letting them teach us and challenge us. But instead, I feel like comparison gets in the way of all of that goodness that can be birthed from our connection to one another.
Yall...comparison is sneakyyyyyy. It’s the enemy of inspiration.
If inspiration inspires you to be more fully you, comparison instead demands you become more like them.
And way waaay too often do I find myself feeling genuinely "inspired" yet before i know it, I want to do exactly what that person is doing. I want their life + I want to be them.
And lately, I’ve had to stop myself in the middle of doing and creating because i had to ask if i was going after these things because I wanted to try something new or tap into something I've always been interested in? Or am I just trying to really be the person I’m so-called inspired by?
Friend, you and I weren’t made to be like anyone else. We were made to be us. And though we say we know that and we can chant that all day as our mantra, it’s actually pretty difficult to live in that reality.
Like really, think about it. There has never been nor ever will be another Kameron Nicole Lindo. Even if i were to name all of my kids exactly after me, they’d still all be intrinsically different. So I am it. Me. Right now. Which means I am a history-maker in and of myself just because God has decided there will only be one me. That’s all I got. And that’s all you get. Just me.
And friend, the same goes for you. You’re one of a kind.
There has never been nor never will be another you. And that is world-changing in and of itself.
We all have similarities amongst each other, but none of us is exactly alike—inside and out. We are all different, with varying passions, quirks, fears, giftings, strengths and struggles, stories and shortcomings.
But the lie that we often fall to is that we’re too different.
And so we strive for sameness, competing and comparing to be just like someone or everyone else. and eventually, we completely lose ourselves in the process.
Comparison will have you out here lookin’ silly, chasing so hard after someone else’s life that pretty soon, you won’t even know who you really are and what you really want anymore because you’ve believed the lie that you need to be them and need to have what they have.
Which for me explains why I can often feel lost and confused and doubtful about the projects I have my hands in because deep down, I’m trying to make them look like the success stories of what’s already been done.
But I’m reminded that God is infinitely creative and always wants to do a new thing.
He’s not interested in making our life look just like the next person, but he just wants us to allow his goodness and power to manifest uniquely in a way we nor the world has ever seen or known.
And when we compare our life to others, when we start to chase after creating a life that matches someone else’s, we’re actually silently saying that God isn’t powerful nor capable enough to use the personality, gifts, passions and interests he’s intentionally placed within us and the experiences he’s carried us through for our own good and for his glory. We start to believe our own life’s story isn’t worthy of transformation, so we settle for striving to make our story look like the beauty we see outside of ourselves.
Comparison will also have you thinking perfection is real and achievable.
When we look at other people’s lives, especially on social media, it’s a curated version of the best moments of their life they choose to let you in on. And it’s easy to forget that when you’re constantly seeing pretty pictures, perfectly plated meals and a put-together family. It’ll give off this perception of perfection that will entice us into wanting the same perfect life for ourselves.
But we all know perfection isn’t real.
So instead of assuming the people’s lives are perfect, instead of assuming everything is what it seems, dig beneath the surface and ask questions!
You may not have easy access to everyone to be able to do this, but when you find yourself comparing your life to a friend or someone online, I challenge you to slide in those DM’s or send a text and ask what’s the biggest struggle or insecurity they wrestle with in whatever area you find yourself envying, jealous or comparing.
You don’t have to go so far as to say, “Hey, i find myself comparing my kids to yours all the time. And because they seem perfect, I feel like I suck as a mom.”
But you can simply ask, “Hey, what’s motherhood like for you? What challenges do you face? What worries you?”
And if they’re brave enough to respond, I think pretty quickly you will find that the grass isn’t really greener on the other side, that the very people you admire and look up to are just as human as you.
They have fears.
They’re winging it and don’t know what the heck they’re doing.
And they’re probably stuck on the same hamster wheel of comparing themselves to others and striving to be perfect too.
If we really wanna beat comparison and live free from it then we can’t keep running from it. We have to admit we struggle with it.
We have to dare to look it in the eye and push ourselves to be vulnerable and honest and authentic so every tendency within us to want to be someone else dies.
Now, It’s bad enough that we struggle comparing ourselves to our friends, siblings, parents, celebrities or internet strangers, but what about us crazy folks who compare ourselves to ourselves?!
I just wanna detour for a sec to talk about this because self-comparison is just as damaging.
I’ve been in many of funks when comparing the current me to the old me.
I look at who I am today and feel like I don’t have as much ambition, time, drive and go-getterness as college Kameron.
She hustled hard—dang hard—and stayed up in the middle of the night sewing because she wanted to be a fashion designer, yet was still killing it getting nothing less than A’s + B’s when taking 4 to 5 classes every quarter just to finish her Creative Writing degree.
The girl was a beast.
And so, I’ll look at her + then I’ll look at the modern day me and unconsciously pressure myself into needing to do more.
I’ve even toyed around with applying for grad school, not really because i need to, but because i was trying to catch up to the milestones I think college Kameron would’ve already breezed through.
But then my mind stops wondering and my heart gets checked because God always reminds me that where I am and who I am today is because his love got a hold of me.
See, Comparison only shows you the highlight real, the good and enviable parts of someone’s story—even if that someone is you.
It’s like daydreaming about the good ol’ days with that boyfriend or girlfriend from way back when that you kinda miss.
You miss laughing together.
You miss holding their hand or being all snuggled up at the movies.
You miss the random adventures you’d have together.
But you seem to miss recalling their manipulation and taking advantage of you.
How quickly you forget the betrayal or abuse.
You overlook how they were choking out your potential and really dragging you away from god.
Beth Moore–who doesn’t know it but is basically like my spiritual mama–in one of her studies that changed my life, said “we often romanticize the past when we hit a rough spot in our present. How often do we stomp our feet at God after he has delivered us from the things of this world and say, ‘i want some of it back?’...The sad thing is that we will always have to take on the yoke of bondage to do so.”
Wow. When we long for the superficial things that seemed good from our past, we always have to take on the mess that came with it.
So sure, college Kameron was an incredible hard worker. But on the flip-side, she was also pretty shallow.
She was convinced her value came from what she did.
She could be both cunning and viciously selfish, trampling over people’s hearts to get what she wanted.
Her dreams of becoming a fashion designer and journalist weren’t because she wanted to use her gifts to impact people, but to impress people.
All she really wanted was to be known, to be famous, to be the “it girl” sitting front row at every premier show during fashion week. She wanted to make a name for herself and become the black Carrie Bradshaw, and was willing to do whatever it took for it to happen.
But had college Kameron’s dreams came true then, I think she would’ve led a glamorous yet very isolated life, a very lonely and empty life. she would’ve completely missed out on the unpredictable fun of marrying her high school sweetheart and the insanely fulfilling joy of being a stay at home mama.
She wouldn’t know the beauty that can be found in rest and slowing down rather than unrelenting busyness and bustle. And who knows if she’d ever come to know and love the God who’s been chasing her all along.
Friend, if you've been comparing yourself to yourself, or to someone else: we’ve gotta learn how to give ourselves grace.
No we’re not who we used to be but we are steadily becoming who we’re supposed to be.
Before you and I were born, God already crafted up hope-filled plans and goodness for us to step into.
The old has passed away.
The new has come.
We are new creations.
And that’s not something worth shaming ourselves for.
We’ve got new dreams, new visions, new commitments, new responsibilities, new interests that we’re venturing into with our time. But you’ll never appreciate the gold in the new you if you keep looking back and longing for the old life you had.
At the end of the day, I feel like the essence of
inspiration is seeing someone’s heart on fire and it fans the flame within you. Whereas comparison makes you feel like your flame is mediocre and needs to not just be as strong as theirs, but bigger and brighter.
Before digging into all of this I doubted I was able to be inspired without comparing.
But in looking at all of my friendships, I know I’m capable of being inspired and admiring someone without wanting to be them because i experience that every single time I am around my dear friend, Arielle Estoria.
Idk if you know her, but she's a poet, writer, speaker + a magical powerhouse of a woman.
She’s everything i feel when I’m listening to Beyoncé, like how you instantly feel like a conqueror who can kick insecurities and obstacles in the face. She’s the type that makes you wanna get in formation and kill it at being you.
When I get around her and hear her share her poems, our kindred love for words inspires me to lean into all the feels, get vulnerable and write.
Her metaphors inspire me to want to love better.
Her bravery inspires me to shine and come out of hiding.
Her life inspires me to be me.
And friend, at the end of that day, that’s all that inspiration oughtta do.
So how do we keep a handle on inspiration + admiration not turning into comparison + duplication?
Celebration.
Celebration is like the comparison weed killer.
But getting in the mode of constantly celebrating what God is doing in everyone else’s life while neglecting having my own personal party over what he’s doing in mine will only bring me right back to comparing all over again.
So It’s both!
We have to constantly position our hearts and minds to be grateful for how far we’ve come, for where we are and for the horizons of hope in where god is taking us.
I can’t hate on you if I’m too busy celebrating all God is doing for you. And I can’t hate on myself if I’m too busy celebrating all the goodness God’s doing in, around and through me.
So when you look out in the world and you get inspired, when you see someone doing what they love or trying to live their best life, cheer them on!
Thank God for showing up and showing out in their lives! Let them inspire you to be you and tap into the gold mine of greatness that God has already packaged you with!
Quit competing. Stop comparing. God made us all originals. Let’s not die as copies.
And as if all this isn’t challenging enough, I hope this talk empowers you toward action.
In her determination to crush comparison, my best friend that sparked and inspired this very episode did something simple yet incredible that I’ve done and challenge you to do: she took a small but major step by unfollowing every account on social media that makes her struggle with comparison.
Will you do that?
Will you take a stance for the current you?
The future you?
The real and beautiful you that deserves to not feel like they’re less than?
I know this isn’t popular and definitely isn’t comfortable, ‘cause you’d have to actually get real by admitting you struggle with comparison and let go of the people and things you’ve been idolizing. But I’m believing there will be a new level of freedom you’ll see bloom out of your life if you take that small yet mighty step.
And even if that means you need to unfollow me on social media, so be it!
I want you to be in a space where your heart is healthier and God is able to do his thing in you.
So if my instagram feed is getting in the way of that happening, unfollow me.
It may not be a permanent good-bye...it may be more like a see ya later.
But nonetheless I think we all ought to hold these kinds of things more loosely and hold tightly to giving ourselves permission to be all God has created us to be.
